Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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