I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
