Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
