I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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