All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
What a dumb baby whore.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
