im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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