And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
