Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
