his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
