You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
