Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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