So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
