I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
