You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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