remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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