This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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