Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
