This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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