Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
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Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
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Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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