Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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