just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
