So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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