Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
