His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
