Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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