tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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