someone threw a dead crab at me
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
