Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
