I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
