i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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