Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
