no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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