guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
