Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.