Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.