just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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