Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
