nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
