where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
