C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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