And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
