Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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