Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
