there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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