i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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