this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
