If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
