By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
