What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
