i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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