i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
