btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
