You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
