I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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