she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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