When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
