O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
it's like iHOP with fire
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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