I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
