Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
