im having a threesome with these popsicles
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
