I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
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It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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