i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
