I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
