getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
