that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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