The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The power of my boobs compel you
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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