does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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