She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
