So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
