Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
