If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
