i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize