Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
